When someone you love dies – the healing process

Coping with life after the death of someone you love can be hard. This information guide will explain some of the feelings you may have and suggest ways of how to help deal with them.

Grief

Grief is a normal response to loss, and it is something we all must work through.  It may bring physical and emotional pain. Some of the emotions we feel include anger, guilt, regret, numbness, and loneliness. Sadly, there is no magic wand to take away your pain. There is no set time limit on when you may feel a little better. For some people, it is often a feeling that they take one step forward and three steps back.

If you have expected someone close to you die, at first you may feel numb.  This is nature’s way of helping you realise and accept the death. If the death was unexpected and sudden, your first reaction may be shock and disbelief.  It may also take time to understand what has happened and you may feel a great deal of pain because you did not have the chance to say goodbye.

You may find yourself expecting the person to walk through the door.  Accepting these things are all part of the grieving process, which will eventually, in a small way, lead you through this terrible time.

People are often affected physically by the death of their loved one.  Some can become hyperactive, or be unable to sit still, others may suffer depression, chest pain, headaches, and poor concentration. Quite often you may find it difficult to sleep and even experience bad dreams. Emotional shock can produce any of these symptoms.  If you suffer from any of these over a prolonged period, you should speak to your doctor.

Emotions

Never be afraid to cry or show your emotions. Tears relieve emotional stress and they are nothing to be ashamed of. There may be times when you feel angry; angry that you have been left or that the doctor did not prevent the death, or angry that the life was not fulfilled and lifelong plans were left unfinished.  You might also feel guilt, “If only…”, is a common feeling after a death. Talking about how you are feeling with a close friend or family member may help you.

The way forward

You may feel unable to face the outside world and withdraw from social contact. If you feel like this, remember, grief is difficult enough without having to face it on your own.  Time is not a healer, time simply allows us to adjust a little day by day, week by week, to life without that person in it.

Healing can often come from talking about your feelings.  You could talk to family and friends or to a counsellor

Helpful organisations

Cruse Bereavement Care (Cruse can help anyone who has lost someone they love)

www. Crusebereavementcare.org.uk

Samaritans (Samaritans offer a 24-hour listening service)

Free from any phone 116 123

Please contact us if you would like further information